Saturday, January 28, 2012

Only By The Grace of God

On January 16th, I turned 22.
Only by the grace of God did I live to see this Birthday.


July 12th I had surgery to remove a tumor.
Only by the grace of God was the tumor in an area that was easily accessible.

July 15th I was diagnosed with Lymphoma.
Only by the grace of God were there no more tumors.

In late July/early August I had surgery to have the port put in. I felt terrible after the surgery and got sick a few times.
Only by the grace of God did I get through it.

The day after the port was put in we started chemotherapy. That was also a terrible day/night.
Only by the grace of God did all of us get through it.

The 2nd chemotherapy treatment was brutal. I was up sick all night long. When I was 1 hour away from having to have an IV put in me at the Cancer Center or going to the hospital, God made it stop. I felt terrible all night long and did not sleep at all until after sunrise.
Only by the grace of God did I get through that terrible, terrible night. And only by the grace of God did my family get through it as well.

The 3rd chemotherapy treatment, I was having a lot of myoclonic seizures for some reason (I fell because of one of them and all the nurses came rushing over to me to make sure I was ok). That was a terrible day.
Only by the grace of God did we get through it.

Chemotherapy was brutal.
Only by the grace of God did I only have to have 3 treatments.

About a month after the last treatment we started radiation.
Only by the grace of God was it just 17 days.

I have been blessed with the most wonderful Dr.s, nurses, surgeons, Oncologist, Radiologist, and the most wonderful little group of people to do the radiology.
Only by the grace of God was I blessed with so many wonderful people to take care of me.

Only by the grace of God was I blessed to be one of the less than 1% chance of having a tumor in an area where I could feel it.

Only by the grace of God am I sitting here today- writing this - cancer free - given another birthday.

I had SO many people praying for me. People I don't even know, who didn't even know me but for being put on so many Church prayer lists.
Only by the grace of God...

And so, I am alive, I am cancer free, I've met wonderful people along this journey, I'm a year older, I have been blessed in so many ways.
Only by the grace of God.

Would I have ever wanted this to happen? No.

Do I wish it wouldn't have happened? No.
Because of going through this, I have even more compassion for those going through all of the treatments and everything. I have a better understanding of it and when I see others that are going through the treatments, I know their pain, what they're going through, I feel it with them, I can comfort them better than I could have before going through it myself.

I believe I've changed through all of this. When we first found out, I don't think I had ever felt so close to God as I did then. He got us through all of this. We've been blessed in so many ways. He healed me. He is merciful.
I honestly don't know how people can go through this without God. He has been my Rock, my Strength, my everything. I would've been terrified going through this without knowing He was carrying me...but I knew He was-and that's what gave me hope, faith, what kept me going, kept me strong. He was feeling what I was feeling, He wept when I...when all of us...wept. There is no way, no way at all, we could've gotten through this if it wasn't for His grace, His comfort, the peace only He can give.
My family can sympathize with the families of cancer patients, I can sympathize with the patients themselves.

I am thankful to God for this life He has given me and I pray it will be used to glorify and honor Him in any way possible.

Tonight we threw away the big red folder that was filled with the information we needed as I was going through chemotherapy with every hope and prayer to never ever see a folder like that again. I have a couple scans next month, though at times I worry that maybe something will be there, I have to have faith and hope and trust in God that it will be ok. My Oncologist believes it will not return and he's been doing this for a long time so has seen many cancers and knows what they're like.
God's will be done.

Grace be with you.