Pet Cancer Awareness Month

Continuing on with my animal rant, I give you:
Pet Cancer Awareness Month
Did you know there was an entire month devoted to pet cancer? I didn't.
While every kind of cancer is a scary thing, and I'm sure it's sad to see an animal with it, I'm sorry, that's too far. I mean, yes, there is a Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but when is Leukemia Awareness Month? Child Cancer? Lymphoma? Brain? And, if any of those exist, I would like to know, considering I have never once heard of them.
Mommy saw an advertisement in a coupon add the other day saying where you can donate to find a cure for pet cancer. You know what's sad? Knowing the way America is today, I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if there was a cure found for pet cancer way sooner than for any kind of cancer a HUMAN BEING has, because pets and animals are that much more important in so many peoples' eyes than humans.
Being one who has battled cancer, gone through treatments, suffered the effects of those treatments, having a fear in the back of my mind that it will one day return, I now understand it. I understand and have felt what others have gone through, are going through, and will continue to go through. It is a scary, dreadful experience...one I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I've always had a sympathy for people with cancer, but now that I know what it's like, it means so much more to me. I long to see a cure for it someday.
The loss of a human life from cancer is greater than the loss of an animal. I know to animal lovers or people with pets, that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. You may love your pet, but a pet can be replaced. Once you've lost someone dear to you, that person can never be replaced. Which would you rather lose?
Please, consider those who are suffering and donate to foundations that help PEOPLE with cancer, foundations that are searching and searching for a cure.
It is sad to see an animal suffer, but it is worse to see a human suffer. Put yourself in that person's shoes. If you had cancer, would you not want a cure? Would you not be offended at the fact that more people would donate to find a cure for pet cancer than they would for the type of cancer you have? Please, don't ignore this disease. Until you go through it (and I hope and pray you won't), you have no idea.

Donate here.
Please, consider putting people above animals for a change. I'm not asking for me, but for all cancer patients and their families who long to see this disease cured, people who long to be made well forever.....to celebrate more Birthdays.

I am not asking or suggesting you ignore pet cancer, but just get your priorities straight and have a heart for suffering human beings. Wouldn't you long for a cure?

Grace be with you.

Only By The Grace of God

On January 16th, I turned 22.
Only by the grace of God did I live to see this Birthday.

2011:

July 12th I had surgery to remove a tumor.
Only by the grace of God was the tumor in an area that was easily accessible.

July 15th I was diagnosed with Lymphoma.
Only by the grace of God were there no more tumors.

In late July/early August I had surgery to have the port put in. I felt terrible after the surgery and got sick a few times.
Only by the grace of God did I get through it.

The day after the port was put in we started chemotherapy. That was also a terrible day/night.
Only by the grace of God did all of us get through it.

The 2nd chemotherapy treatment was brutal. I was up sick all night long. When I was 1 hour away from having to have an IV put in me at the Cancer Center or going to the hospital, God made it stop. I felt terrible all night long and did not sleep at all until after sunrise.
Only by the grace of God did I get through that terrible, terrible night. And only by the grace of God did my family get through it as well.

The 3rd chemotherapy treatment, I was having a lot of myoclonic seizures for some reason (I fell because of one of them and all the nurses came rushing over to me to make sure I was ok). That was a terrible day.
Only by the grace of God did we get through it.

Chemotherapy was brutal.
Only by the grace of God did I only have to have 3 treatments.

About a month after the last treatment we started radiation.
Only by the grace of God was it just 17 days.

I have been blessed with the most wonderful Dr.s, nurses, surgeons, Oncologist, Radiologist, and the most wonderful little group of people to do the radiology.
Only by the grace of God was I blessed with so many wonderful people to take care of me.

Only by the grace of God was I blessed to be one of the less than 1% chance of having a tumor in an area where I could feel it.

Only by the grace of God am I sitting here today- writing this - cancer free - given another birthday.

I had SO many people praying for me. People I don't even know, who didn't even know me but for being put on so many Church prayer lists.
Only by the grace of God...

And so, I am alive, I am cancer free, I've met wonderful people along this journey, I'm a year older, I have been blessed in so many ways.
Only by the grace of God.

Would I have ever wanted this to happen? No.

Do I wish it wouldn't have happened? No.
Because of going through this, I have even more compassion for those going through all of the treatments and everything. I have a better understanding of it and when I see others that are going through the treatments, I know their pain, what they're going through, I feel it with them, I can comfort them better than I could have before going through it myself.

I believe I've changed through all of this. When we first found out, I don't think I had ever felt so close to God as I did then. He got us through all of this. We've been blessed in so many ways. He healed me. He is merciful.
I honestly don't know how people can go through this without God. He has been my Rock, my Strength, my everything. I would've been terrified going through this without knowing He was carrying me...but I knew He was-and that's what gave me hope, faith, what kept me going, kept me strong. He was feeling what I was feeling, He wept when I...when all of us...wept. There is no way, no way at all, we could've gotten through this if it wasn't for His grace, His comfort, the peace only He can give.
My family can sympathize with the families of cancer patients, I can sympathize with the patients themselves.

I am thankful to God for this life He has given me and I pray it will be used to glorify and honor Him in any way possible.

Tonight we threw away the big red folder that was filled with the information we needed as I was going through chemotherapy with every hope and prayer to never ever see a folder like that again. I have a couple scans next month, though at times I worry that maybe something will be there, I have to have faith and hope and trust in God that it will be ok. My Oncologist believes it will not return and he's been doing this for a long time so has seen many cancers and knows what they're like.
God's will be done.

Grace be with you.

I'm Not So Strong

Through all of my journey with Lymphoma and everything that I've gone through, people have told me I'm their hero, an inspiration, so strong. I'm not as strong as people think.
Yes, I know and have always believed that God has me on this journey for a reason, I know this is His plan for me, that has always stuck with me through all of this, that doesn't mean I've never been afraid.
Every time I had chemo, I felt so terrible, couldn't eat for several days, the smell of coffee (which I love) was horrendous to me, certain smells were too much, I was tired, I cried (the first time for no reason), but always felt that I shouldn't complain. There are so many people that have to go through so much chemo and so many other things that I thought it was wrong of me to complain because I only had to go through 3 rounds of chemo and only 17 days of radiation (I only have 7 more). Plus the fact that I didn't want to complain because everyone said I was so strong, I felt that I couldn't show the fear that hid in me, that it wouldn't do to complain, there was nothing that could be done about it, why not just go on pretending I'm so strong?
Finally, one night, just a little while ago, I broke down. I went to Mommy and told her that lately I feel very distant from God and that it scares me, it's something I've never, ever wanted, it's the worst feeling in the world. I was crying. I told her my inner fear; that when all of this is over and they do more scans, the cancer will have returned, that there will be more chemo treatments. I know the Lord is with me, that Jesus walks with me through all things, God's plans are perfect (that's what I've said from the beginning). Maybe I've been hiding my fear by joking about things, like my hair falling out, dressing up as a microwave for Halloween because of the radiation that's going in me (we don't celebrate Halloween, by the way), etc.
Even now I sometimes have the same fears; the cancer coming back, even the thought of more chemo is something I'd rather not think about, not because of the treatment itself, but what it does to me afterwards.
It just doesn't seem right for me to say such things or to feel this way because of all of the people that are going through much worse, that have to live in cancer hospitals, I hate that for all of those people. I would never wish this on anyone.
You see, I always knew it was hard for others, but until it happened to me, I didn't know just how hard it was.
In a way, I am grateful that the Lord put me on this journey so that maybe I can help others through it. I don't think I was ever once angry with God for putting me through this, I certainly wasn't happy with it or anything though, just always tried to rest in knowing that this is His plan for my life and He has a reason for it.
This has been a hard journey, but I do believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
My hair is gone, but that's ok, we're looking forward to seeing how it regrows. I do have cute caps, none too warm for the coming cold season, but I will have one soon: last Friday. Mommy and I went to a small yarn shop (I, of course, was wearing my face mask) and there were 2 ladies working (no other customers), well, we got to talking about my Lymphoma and one lady said that she had had cancer several years ago but is just fine, the other lady said her husband had cancer several years ago as well. Then, they told us that they're getting a group together to knit chemo caps and will donate them. I was then asked if I would like one, so the very first one will be made specially for me. She got my name and phone number and will let us know when it is finished. Now, Mommy and I have always wanted to learn how to knit, so the lady said she will give us one-on-one lessons for free, whereas they are usually $35. It's always a wonderful thing to meet friendly, sweet, compassionate people, which seems so rare nowadays, so sad.
So, November 8th will be my last day of radiation. We will pray that the chemo & radiation have done their job, if the Lord wills.
I pray that this journey through Lymphoma will be used to glorify God and, now that I've experienced it, I'll be able to sympathize with others and lift them up.I pray for all of my fellow cancer patients, know that I love you and know what you're going through and my heart hurts for you. I pray God's blessings upon all of you. It is very hard to go through this, I hope and pray someday there will be a cure. I hurt for you all. I hope we can lift each other up, no matter what.

I'd like to share these links:

Donate your hair for free wigs for women who lost their hair due to chemo treatments-click here. (This is what I did when I had hair and knew it was going to fall out ahead of time).


Reasonably priced products made specifically for people with cancer-click here.


Grace be with you all.

Jesus Is My Rock: I Can Not Be Defeated

The other day, I noticed that I had over 1,000 views on my old blog. Finding that to be rather odd, I showed Chris, and we discovered that someone started a thread on some message board, trashing it and me. I will admit I was hurt and upset. I immediately blocked my blog so no one else could see it unless I invited them. That might've upset me, but they made me mad when they started trashing my Mommy and her blog. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, and I will say, that these people do not know us, how we live, or any of that, so they do not know what they're talking about. Let me start off by saying, I am not calling them fools, but the things they said make them SOUND foolish.
Someone commented on my post on here about the lovely day I had with Tommy and Chris, they said that my "immaturity really shines on posts like this", I'd like to know what part of loving the time I have with my brothers and loving my brothers is immature. The only thing in the comment that shone through, was a hint of envy and ignorance (not the person being ignorant, but the ignorance of not knowing what our family is like). The person that wrote that was 'anonymous', why not leave your name? Because of that comment, I decided to block this blog as well. However, ya know why I opened this one again? Because closing it was exactly what those people wanted me to do and I will not be defeated and let their foolish talk get to me. They don't see my life and how happy I am, they have absolutely no right, whatsoever, to say those ridiculous things.
They were calling my old blog "childish" and stuff like that: ya know what, people? I know some of those posts seemed childish, that is one reason I wanted to close it, I was embarrassed and ashamed of the things I had put up there, and who are you to tell me these things? You don't know me, what right do you have?
Yes, my Mommy (I will always call her that, and that does NOT make me childish) and I are best friends, I still grab onto her hand when we go out (yes, in public), wrap my arm around her/hug her, all that means is that we love each other and are best friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To those that said I probably won't get married and that my Mommy will be 'lost without me', you are dead, dead, wrong. Mommy looks forward to the day I get married as much as I do. We know that, one day, we'll be apart, but that doesn't mean we can't spend as much time with one another as we can now. I am thankful to God for my mother, for all of my family and my friends He has given me. If you have a problem with this closeness, the only thing that could possibly lie beneath that, is envy.
One person said something about a top I wore to an opera, I had said how it was the prettiest top I have ever seen, they said that, obviously I haven't seen too many tops (or something like that), I ask you, what the heck kind of an argument is that? We all have our own opinions on clothes, there are some shoes that women just LOVE and my Mommy and I don't see how anyone could like them, but that is OUR opinion (yes, OURS, because my Mommy and I have a lot of things in common and think the same way about MANY things because that is how we are, that is how God has blessed our relationship and neither one of us would have it any other way). Even some of my friends wear clothes or shoes that aren't my style and I may not like them, but they do and that's just fine with me because we're not all the same. One of my friends likes wearing darker colors, I'm all about pinks, purples, blues, and the pretty lighter colors, but I think it's great that she likes them!
Jesus told us that in this world, we will have tribulation but to take heart; for He has overcome the world. This has been a trial God has given me and He is using it for His glory (I will tell you why I am grateful for this tribulation later). God's Word also says in 1 Corinthians 4:12 "...when persecuted, we endure;", that is what has happened to me. In 2 Timothy 3:12 "Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted". You see, people enjoy doing these things, especially to Christians, they want us to cave, to give in because of their ridiculous, hurtful comments, they want us to show our weakness: we can't let that happen. I know it's hard to just ignore the things they say, but we most try and pray to keep our focus on God and remember that they don't know us and cannot change us if we are deeply rooted in Christ and trust in Him for our Salvation and for all things.
I am not perfect, I struggle daily with many things and hurt when people say such things, but can't let it get to me.
To have all of this happen was a big deal to me because it was just all of a sudden and I didn't understand why it was happening. I kept asking God, "Why are You letting this happen?", I think He answered me today.
I have this friend who is going through a hard time right now, with people talking bad about him and being mean to him. God put me through this to give me the wisdom and the experience to help my friend through this. Even though he lives in a different Country, and we've never met face-to-face, he calls me 'sis' and I call him 'bro'. There have been different things through which God has put me and, though, at the time, I was either embarrassed or hurt, He used all of those times to give me the wisdom and to experience it to help someone else.
I don't care what these other people are saying about me or my blog (still not happy with what they said about Mommy and her blog, but she's over it, so I should get over it as well), I know the truth and they do not. I feel sorry for them, actually, and I pray for them because Jesus told us to pray for those who persecute us. At first, I didn't really know what to pray because I was hurt, but now I only feel pity for them and pray God might open their eyes to the pain and hurt they can cause other people. Have they no heart? Have they nothing better to do than sit around and trash talk other people and their blogs? There's got to be something else, something important, they can do that doesn't involve being heartless and cruel to people they don't even know.
Leave my Mommy alone too, she's beautiful inside and out, any insult from you means you're jealous. I will defend my Mommy and the rest of my family and friends in any way I can and nothing you say is the truth because you don't understand.
I think I've covered just about everything, this is long enough already. This blog will remain open, perhaps I will open my other one too, for a new friend who enjoyed it. Say what you will, your words are written out of envy and ignorance.
Real quick, I want to make myself clear: I am in no way calling any of these people stupid, ignorant, fools, or anything like that; simply that the things they say make them sound foolish because they don't know us and don't know what they're talking about, and to talk about something you don't understand or something, about which  you don't know anything, is foolish. You don't see how we live, you don't understand, so keep your thoughts to yourself, and if you don't like my blogs, don't read them, simple as that.

Grace be with you.

The Importance of Wisdom

Lately, I've been reading a book called "Preparing To Be A Help-Meet" by Debi Pearl and in it, she talks of how, as young single women hoping for a family someday, we are not only supposed to be preparing for marriage but also for homeschooling children. That really inspired me to start getting books from the library about certain things that they will need to know and other things that would just be interesting to know, the histories of different Countries, Gaelic (a language I've always wanted to learn!), identifying plants, trees, birds, learning about different animals, etc. I realize I'm 21 and, depending upon when I get married, I started a little late in life but this is something that I'm really excited about doing and hope that when I get well, amidst the housecleaning, practicing piano, doing other projects, I might be able to make the time to sit and read about a lot of things and figure out how to organize the things I learn in binders and keep them for any future children. I just love learning and hope that, one day, my husband and I can instill that love in our children.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction" ~Proverbs 1:7
As parents or, in my case, just an adult to whom younger ones could look for advice someday, we must be ready with this knowledge God has given, this wisdom, and show the younger ones how important it is to learn and learn and learn and never stop, show them the joy in it!
I, personally, find it more fun, now, to learn because I'm not in school anymore and can learn what I want and whenever I can.
Not saying I'm full of wisdom or anything 'cause in my opinion, I'm not, how I wish I was though. It's not just about the normal school subjects, one of my Mommy's, brothers', and my favorite things to learn is doing things the old fashioned way, even though it isn't necessary right now, what if, at some point in time, we had to do things the old ways?
God has given wisdom to use wisely and to teach the younger ones what must be known. First is always the fear of Him, for it is, obviously, the beginning of knowledge.
We must learn from our past experiences and help others when they might be going through the same thing. For me, there is a small thing that God placed in my life and at the time, I was embarrassed about it but, ya know what? Later on, I was able to help 3 of my friends by that experience. Yes, everything that happens is for a reason, that's how God made it. Even though, at the time, I was embarrassed, it never occurred to me that God was teaching me something that could be a help to my friends someday.
Gain wisdom, gain knowledge, pass on what you know, what you've learned, what God has taught you, to the younger generation. You never know if something you've experienced could be one of the most important things to share with someone else.
God bless you on your journey to gain more knowledge and teach what you know. Pray for wisdom. I must, honestly say, that there have been some blog posts I've written that, after I read them, the first thought that came to mind was, "I did not know that could come from my little mind", in truth, God put it there, He gave me the words, it wasn't me, He just used me to type.


Grace be with you.