Only By The Grace of God

On January 16th, I turned 22.
Only by the grace of God did I live to see this Birthday.

2011:

July 12th I had surgery to remove a tumor.
Only by the grace of God was the tumor in an area that was easily accessible.

July 15th I was diagnosed with Lymphoma.
Only by the grace of God were there no more tumors.

In late July/early August I had surgery to have the port put in. I felt terrible after the surgery and got sick a few times.
Only by the grace of God did I get through it.

The day after the port was put in we started chemotherapy. That was also a terrible day/night.
Only by the grace of God did all of us get through it.

The 2nd chemotherapy treatment was brutal. I was up sick all night long. When I was 1 hour away from having to have an IV put in me at the Cancer Center or going to the hospital, God made it stop. I felt terrible all night long and did not sleep at all until after sunrise.
Only by the grace of God did I get through that terrible, terrible night. And only by the grace of God did my family get through it as well.

The 3rd chemotherapy treatment, I was having a lot of myoclonic seizures for some reason (I fell because of one of them and all the nurses came rushing over to me to make sure I was ok). That was a terrible day.
Only by the grace of God did we get through it.

Chemotherapy was brutal.
Only by the grace of God did I only have to have 3 treatments.

About a month after the last treatment we started radiation.
Only by the grace of God was it just 17 days.

I have been blessed with the most wonderful Dr.s, nurses, surgeons, Oncologist, Radiologist, and the most wonderful little group of people to do the radiology.
Only by the grace of God was I blessed with so many wonderful people to take care of me.

Only by the grace of God was I blessed to be one of the less than 1% chance of having a tumor in an area where I could feel it.

Only by the grace of God am I sitting here today- writing this - cancer free - given another birthday.

I had SO many people praying for me. People I don't even know, who didn't even know me but for being put on so many Church prayer lists.
Only by the grace of God...

And so, I am alive, I am cancer free, I've met wonderful people along this journey, I'm a year older, I have been blessed in so many ways.
Only by the grace of God.

Would I have ever wanted this to happen? No.

Do I wish it wouldn't have happened? No.
Because of going through this, I have even more compassion for those going through all of the treatments and everything. I have a better understanding of it and when I see others that are going through the treatments, I know their pain, what they're going through, I feel it with them, I can comfort them better than I could have before going through it myself.

I believe I've changed through all of this. When we first found out, I don't think I had ever felt so close to God as I did then. He got us through all of this. We've been blessed in so many ways. He healed me. He is merciful.
I honestly don't know how people can go through this without God. He has been my Rock, my Strength, my everything. I would've been terrified going through this without knowing He was carrying me...but I knew He was-and that's what gave me hope, faith, what kept me going, kept me strong. He was feeling what I was feeling, He wept when I...when all of us...wept. There is no way, no way at all, we could've gotten through this if it wasn't for His grace, His comfort, the peace only He can give.
My family can sympathize with the families of cancer patients, I can sympathize with the patients themselves.

I am thankful to God for this life He has given me and I pray it will be used to glorify and honor Him in any way possible.

Tonight we threw away the big red folder that was filled with the information we needed as I was going through chemotherapy with every hope and prayer to never ever see a folder like that again. I have a couple scans next month, though at times I worry that maybe something will be there, I have to have faith and hope and trust in God that it will be ok. My Oncologist believes it will not return and he's been doing this for a long time so has seen many cancers and knows what they're like.
God's will be done.

Grace be with you.

Jesus Is My Rock: I Can Not Be Defeated

The other day, I noticed that I had over 1,000 views on my old blog. Finding that to be rather odd, I showed Chris, and we discovered that someone started a thread on some message board, trashing it and me. I will admit I was hurt and upset. I immediately blocked my blog so no one else could see it unless I invited them. That might've upset me, but they made me mad when they started trashing my Mommy and her blog. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, and I will say, that these people do not know us, how we live, or any of that, so they do not know what they're talking about. Let me start off by saying, I am not calling them fools, but the things they said make them SOUND foolish.
Someone commented on my post on here about the lovely day I had with Tommy and Chris, they said that my "immaturity really shines on posts like this", I'd like to know what part of loving the time I have with my brothers and loving my brothers is immature. The only thing in the comment that shone through, was a hint of envy and ignorance (not the person being ignorant, but the ignorance of not knowing what our family is like). The person that wrote that was 'anonymous', why not leave your name? Because of that comment, I decided to block this blog as well. However, ya know why I opened this one again? Because closing it was exactly what those people wanted me to do and I will not be defeated and let their foolish talk get to me. They don't see my life and how happy I am, they have absolutely no right, whatsoever, to say those ridiculous things.
They were calling my old blog "childish" and stuff like that: ya know what, people? I know some of those posts seemed childish, that is one reason I wanted to close it, I was embarrassed and ashamed of the things I had put up there, and who are you to tell me these things? You don't know me, what right do you have?
Yes, my Mommy (I will always call her that, and that does NOT make me childish) and I are best friends, I still grab onto her hand when we go out (yes, in public), wrap my arm around her/hug her, all that means is that we love each other and are best friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To those that said I probably won't get married and that my Mommy will be 'lost without me', you are dead, dead, wrong. Mommy looks forward to the day I get married as much as I do. We know that, one day, we'll be apart, but that doesn't mean we can't spend as much time with one another as we can now. I am thankful to God for my mother, for all of my family and my friends He has given me. If you have a problem with this closeness, the only thing that could possibly lie beneath that, is envy.
One person said something about a top I wore to an opera, I had said how it was the prettiest top I have ever seen, they said that, obviously I haven't seen too many tops (or something like that), I ask you, what the heck kind of an argument is that? We all have our own opinions on clothes, there are some shoes that women just LOVE and my Mommy and I don't see how anyone could like them, but that is OUR opinion (yes, OURS, because my Mommy and I have a lot of things in common and think the same way about MANY things because that is how we are, that is how God has blessed our relationship and neither one of us would have it any other way). Even some of my friends wear clothes or shoes that aren't my style and I may not like them, but they do and that's just fine with me because we're not all the same. One of my friends likes wearing darker colors, I'm all about pinks, purples, blues, and the pretty lighter colors, but I think it's great that she likes them!
Jesus told us that in this world, we will have tribulation but to take heart; for He has overcome the world. This has been a trial God has given me and He is using it for His glory (I will tell you why I am grateful for this tribulation later). God's Word also says in 1 Corinthians 4:12 "...when persecuted, we endure;", that is what has happened to me. In 2 Timothy 3:12 "Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted". You see, people enjoy doing these things, especially to Christians, they want us to cave, to give in because of their ridiculous, hurtful comments, they want us to show our weakness: we can't let that happen. I know it's hard to just ignore the things they say, but we most try and pray to keep our focus on God and remember that they don't know us and cannot change us if we are deeply rooted in Christ and trust in Him for our Salvation and for all things.
I am not perfect, I struggle daily with many things and hurt when people say such things, but can't let it get to me.
To have all of this happen was a big deal to me because it was just all of a sudden and I didn't understand why it was happening. I kept asking God, "Why are You letting this happen?", I think He answered me today.
I have this friend who is going through a hard time right now, with people talking bad about him and being mean to him. God put me through this to give me the wisdom and the experience to help my friend through this. Even though he lives in a different Country, and we've never met face-to-face, he calls me 'sis' and I call him 'bro'. There have been different things through which God has put me and, though, at the time, I was either embarrassed or hurt, He used all of those times to give me the wisdom and to experience it to help someone else.
I don't care what these other people are saying about me or my blog (still not happy with what they said about Mommy and her blog, but she's over it, so I should get over it as well), I know the truth and they do not. I feel sorry for them, actually, and I pray for them because Jesus told us to pray for those who persecute us. At first, I didn't really know what to pray because I was hurt, but now I only feel pity for them and pray God might open their eyes to the pain and hurt they can cause other people. Have they no heart? Have they nothing better to do than sit around and trash talk other people and their blogs? There's got to be something else, something important, they can do that doesn't involve being heartless and cruel to people they don't even know.
Leave my Mommy alone too, she's beautiful inside and out, any insult from you means you're jealous. I will defend my Mommy and the rest of my family and friends in any way I can and nothing you say is the truth because you don't understand.
I think I've covered just about everything, this is long enough already. This blog will remain open, perhaps I will open my other one too, for a new friend who enjoyed it. Say what you will, your words are written out of envy and ignorance.
Real quick, I want to make myself clear: I am in no way calling any of these people stupid, ignorant, fools, or anything like that; simply that the things they say make them sound foolish because they don't know us and don't know what they're talking about, and to talk about something you don't understand or something, about which  you don't know anything, is foolish. You don't see how we live, you don't understand, so keep your thoughts to yourself, and if you don't like my blogs, don't read them, simple as that.

Grace be with you.

Time (Repost From Previous Blog)

Today is the Sabbath and I was just thinking of the way a Sabbath should be spent. Going to Church, (granted we don't have a Church to attend and I'm sure other people don't either) spending time in God's Word, praying (though those things should be done everyday), doing all things that would keep the Sabbath day Holy.
Now, how often do I do that? Unfortunately, not often at all. Instead, this stupid computer takes up my time, or we'll be watching some kind of movie or something together. While it is nice to have a day of rest and time spent with family (meaning, just here, because we don't do things with extended family like some people do on the Sabbath, hopefully we will someday) and we do have fun together, whatever we're doing, still there is no reason why we can't give time to God. We have only one life, and such a short amount of time on this earth, we must spend this time wisely and in a way that is pleasing to God, that is giving our lives to and for God. I pray everyday that I might be a living sacrifice to Him, no matter what. How am I going to do that by wasting time with things that are so terribly unimportant? Now, spending time with family is important, but it is better to do it in a way that actually means something. Sure, we can sit down every once in a while and watch a show or a movie, but why do we keep sitting there, even when there's nothing on? It is not a sin to rest, God tells us to, it is, however, a sin to use that precious time doing nothing.
So often, I say that I need to make to time to read and continue improving my homemaking skills, but don't because my time is wasted doing things that, well, waste time and are in no way helpful to my homemaking or reading, or whatever needs to be done around here. The funny thing is, if I do the things that need to be done then I will have time to do other things, but I don't always follow through.
So what happens? I sit here for a while (most of the time wasting the time on the computer and not using it wisely at all) and think, "oh, I'll get started later", then a "little" while later, look at the clock and sometimes even a few hours have gone by and I wonder how that time went so fast and why I wasn't doing anything. So later I get angry at myself because of things I didn't do, and regret wasting that time. The next day I decide everything is going to be different, but it isn't always that way, sometimes I will do the exact same thing and I hate it.
God gave me this life and looking down at a clock to see what time it is or whatever is just a reminder that I used this time in a way that was pleasurable to me (honestly, sometimes it isn't even pleasurable, just a way to pass the time, I guess), but in no way honoring my God and King. This life is to be lived to Him and for Him, He didn't put me here for me, but for Him. I know I disappoint Him with this, so why is it so hard to stop? Satan doesn't want me to use my time for God, so I fall into this temptation and later feel so bad for doing so, but know I could never take it back, so need to start anew the next day, but fall into it again. I do not spend enough time in God's Word, or enough time with Him and that makes Satan very happy, that is such a disgusting and terrible thought, especially knowing that God is disappointed in me, how could I disappoint the One Who made me, Who gave His Son for my life that I may live and live to Him, but instead do what pleases me?
God is not angry with me when I do it, He can't be mad at me, for Christ intercedes for me and has made me righteous by His Holy shed Blood on the cross so that I would not face God's wrath. Because Jesus died for me, God cannot be angry with me.
What a Loving God we serve, that He would give me life through His Son Jesus Christ. I pray that my life may be lived to bring Him glory and that there be none left over for myself.
Using my time wisely is something I really struggle with, so would very much appreciate prayer for this.
It is so easy to just sit down for a few hours and do nothing, though I could be reading or working on crocheting or something like that and hopefully my life will change for God. It is especially easy on days that are soooo extremely hot in the Summer when you haven't the energy to do anything because you're burning up and it's worse if you're up doing stuff. But, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, now if only I constantly remember that and remember to pray for that strength
May God be glorified in all of my life!

Grace be with you.

Raising Children

Spending time with family is something that's extremely important to my family and me and something that every parent should know is very important in a child's life. To know they are loved and to understand that family are more important than friends. I hate when parents say that they're happy to have their children out of the house or they're happy when school starts up again so they can just be alone and have 'peace and quiet'. How would that make a child feel? That their own parents would rather have them away from them just so they can be alone. No wonder so many children have grown away from their families and cling to their friends instead or go looking for relationships for some companionship, it's because parents don't take the time to get to know their children, they let them go off and do their own thing while (as my Mommy has always said) they keep their jewels and money locked in a safe where no one can get to them. Does anyone else see a problem there?
Someone would always say to my Mommy or about her that she homeschooled us to keep us at home and turn us into 'mini hers'. Mommy will be the first one to tell you that's not true and my brothers and I will be the first ones to agree. It isn't true, if we had been in school with everything that started to happen whilst we were there, who knows what we'd be or even where we'd be now. Being taken out of school to be homeschooled is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to my brothers and me. If people don't see that, then, they're blind to it.
We are an extremely close family and are all very thankful for that. I praise God that He has given us all these years to be together, to know each other better, to become each others best friends. I'm not just saying that, we seriously are best friends, all 5 of us. Even though my oldest brother moved out a few years ago, he's still really close to us and we still love spending time together. He always wants us to go over and visit him and we want him to come over here and visit us.
I can't stand seeing parents being so cruel to their children, in stores they'll be yelling at them, even if it's a baby and he's crying for some reason, a lot of times (not all the time), the parent won't even pay attention to the child. How does the child feel when this happens? I seriously doubt 'loved' would be the word.
A mother who was behind me in a store once told me that she promised her daughter if she was good all week that she would get her a balloon. The little girl was so cute and just loved her little balloon. While the mother was being so nice and sweet to her and even though I told her it was cute that she did that, inside, I didn't agree with it at all. You don't bribe a child and tell them stuff like that. You teach them gently, lovingly, but firmly, and however long it takes, to be kind to others, to know what is right and what is wrong. You watch their every step, with a loving eye. Don't let your child out of your sight or, one day, they will grow away from you.
Listen to your child, not just with your ears, pay close attention to them, really, really, listen and hold in your heart the things they've spoken, their cute ways, the things they do. No child is perfect, every one will mess up, but so have the rest of us. Don't expect more of them than the best they can do. Encourage them and love them, hold them close and never let go.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."  ~Proverbs 22:6
God has given us these little blessings and we are to take care of them, not let them go on their own.
"but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of Heaven."  ~Matthew 19:14
It's highly possible you're thinking "What is she talking about? She's only 21 and knows nothing about raising a child." True, I have no children but, I do understand the importance of spending time with your children and training them up in God's Word and making sure they know the importance of needing a Saviour, how they are sinners, just like the rest of us. I learn this from my own Mommy. She has instilled these things in me and has also raised me to share what is on my heart and not sugarcoat it. I honestly can't stand sugarcoating so just go as far as I can, being very careful what I write and how everything is worded.
Always pray for your children and tell them all the time that you love them, show it to them also, not by buying them stuff or anything like that, just spending time with them, playing their little games will help them to know how much you care about and love them. Hold on to them. Teach them things so that when, one day, they leave all they've ever known at home to go out into the world, they'll know what do and they'll know they can always come back home to you and that you'll welcome them with loving, open arms, no matter what, and that you'll help them to the very best of your ability.

Grace be with you.

The Importance of Wisdom

Lately, I've been reading a book called "Preparing To Be A Help-Meet" by Debi Pearl and in it, she talks of how, as young single women hoping for a family someday, we are not only supposed to be preparing for marriage but also for homeschooling children. That really inspired me to start getting books from the library about certain things that they will need to know and other things that would just be interesting to know, the histories of different Countries, Gaelic (a language I've always wanted to learn!), identifying plants, trees, birds, learning about different animals, etc. I realize I'm 21 and, depending upon when I get married, I started a little late in life but this is something that I'm really excited about doing and hope that when I get well, amidst the housecleaning, practicing piano, doing other projects, I might be able to make the time to sit and read about a lot of things and figure out how to organize the things I learn in binders and keep them for any future children. I just love learning and hope that, one day, my husband and I can instill that love in our children.
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction" ~Proverbs 1:7
As parents or, in my case, just an adult to whom younger ones could look for advice someday, we must be ready with this knowledge God has given, this wisdom, and show the younger ones how important it is to learn and learn and learn and never stop, show them the joy in it!
I, personally, find it more fun, now, to learn because I'm not in school anymore and can learn what I want and whenever I can.
Not saying I'm full of wisdom or anything 'cause in my opinion, I'm not, how I wish I was though. It's not just about the normal school subjects, one of my Mommy's, brothers', and my favorite things to learn is doing things the old fashioned way, even though it isn't necessary right now, what if, at some point in time, we had to do things the old ways?
God has given wisdom to use wisely and to teach the younger ones what must be known. First is always the fear of Him, for it is, obviously, the beginning of knowledge.
We must learn from our past experiences and help others when they might be going through the same thing. For me, there is a small thing that God placed in my life and at the time, I was embarrassed about it but, ya know what? Later on, I was able to help 3 of my friends by that experience. Yes, everything that happens is for a reason, that's how God made it. Even though, at the time, I was embarrassed, it never occurred to me that God was teaching me something that could be a help to my friends someday.
Gain wisdom, gain knowledge, pass on what you know, what you've learned, what God has taught you, to the younger generation. You never know if something you've experienced could be one of the most important things to share with someone else.
God bless you on your journey to gain more knowledge and teach what you know. Pray for wisdom. I must, honestly say, that there have been some blog posts I've written that, after I read them, the first thought that came to mind was, "I did not know that could come from my little mind", in truth, God put it there, He gave me the words, it wasn't me, He just used me to type.


Grace be with you.